With only a few days left until Valentine's Day, panic is beginning to set in for men and women across the country as they wrack their brains trying to come up with the perfect gift for their partner.
Well the panic is over, brave bowlers. We're here to tell you how a simple AMF gift card and a game of bowling will have your partner swooning at your feet as if you were Don Juan himself come back to life.
The secret to selling this gift is to make it feel truly heartfelt, so you need to plant a few seeds first.
Next time you drive past your local AMF bowling centre, laugh nonchalantly and when your partner asks why you're laughing respond by saying, "I just think it's funny that bowling centre, of all places, makes my heart start racing," and proceed to tell a story about how it was over a game of bowling that you first told your friends you were in love with your partner and how it's still such a significant moment in your life and relationship.
Ham up the details as much as possible and it always helps to get a little emotional.
Now for the all important delivery. You're going to write a poem that outlines all the reasons you love your partner. Write the poem so that the first letter of each line 'accidentally' spells out the word BOWLING. Then, when you read the poem aloud for him or her, you can explain how you noticed the coincidence after writing the poem and it reminded you of the story from the other day in the car (see, the ground work paid off) and it felt like the stars aligned and the universe was telling you where you should celebrate Valentine's Day - so you chose your local bowling alley.
Again, ham up the emotion to help really sell the story.
We're well aware that this is a pretty brave tactic, but in the absence of any other gifts, it just might be crazy enough to work. If it doesn't, at least you get to spend an evening bowling (even if it is on your own), which is never a bad outcome.