As we gear up for a rip-roaring St Patrick's Day down at AMF Bowling, we've arranged an interview with with our friendly local leprechaun, Nugget, who knows everything there is to know about St Patrick's Day.
"Friendly? Ha! Who do ye t'ink is responsible for the whole angry red-head thing? Didn't yer mother ever warn ye not to bother one of us?"
Nugget, you seem upset. What's bothering you?
What's botherin' me? I'll tell ye what's botherin' me. T'ere's only two t'ings I love more than me dear mother's home-cooked lasagna, and they's St Patty's Day and bowling. Now, ye can imagine what I want to do on St Patty's, but I already know what's goin' to happen. I'd get down to me AMF Bowlin' and t'ere'd be all these people t'ere. Now, me, I like a nice, quiet bowling alley, but every time - EVERY TIME - I go in on me favourite day, ye've got loads of people shoutin' and laughin' and bowlin' and eatin' and drinkin' and wearin' the green like it's some big party.
What is with you wearing green all the time anyway?
Well, it brings out me eyes, don't it? That, and it makes it loads easier ter hide the grass stains. We used to wear yellow (it goes with the gold y'see), but as soon as ye go t'ree-leaf clover picking, ye've got as much chance of a sunny day in Dublin as ye do of getting those stains out.
So will you be heading elsewhere on St Patrick's Day then?
Are ye kiddin' me, human? If I can't bowl on me favourite day, I ain't goin' nowhere. T'ere's only so many times ye can deal with people askin' ye to say 'potatoes', demandin' kisses and tryin' to steal me hat. In fact, I t'ink a nice mug o' tea and a "Game of Thrones" marathon is on the cards. Some of that was filmed in the ol' Emerald Isle ye know?
Nah, I'll leave ye rowdy lot to throw yer balls down lanes, run around pretendin' to be Irish, drinkin' all the green cocktails in the bar and probably the rest of of the colours too, and saying "to be sure to be sure" like it's goin' outta fashion.|
I'll be at the alley come the 17th, t'be sure.